Hidden Kinks

December 8th

My friendship with Meredith is going exceedingly well! It’s early December and I’ve quickly moved into the #2 spot, only behind her husband. I was shooting for top 5, but slightly overshot. 

Lately as we’ve been getting to know each other the conversation has turned toward sex. Probably just a curiosity thing. 

Text conversation with Meredith:

M: Who was your first?

R: It was my now wife. Had to wait a year, but finally got there. Long story. You?

M: Well there was a guy I dated in high school for four years, but it was not him. He never seemed interested in sex. Maybe he was just a good Christian boy. 

R: Ha! Well you are a good Christian girl so that fits. Did you meet at church?

M: Yes. Our parents were friends. It was easy. But he wasn’t the one. When I got to college there were a few guys until I met another guy named Ryan. I was 19, and he was 26. 

R: Woah! Cradle robber. 

M: Ha! He’s only 7 years older. One year younger than you ;). Actually you may have gone to college with him. He was there the same time you were. 

R: Interesting. Odds are I don’t know him. It was a big school. Your first time was with a much older man huh? Something doesn’t sound right about this. 

M: How so?

R: You were young. 19. He was older, and you were vulnerable. It sounds like he was taking advantage of you. I know guys like that. You’re like a prize. 

M: I don’t think it was quite like that. 

R: It’s ok Meredith. I know you lived through it all fine. But I mean c’mon you were sexy and young and in college. He was this older man still trying to hook up with college chicks. He probably had his bag of tricks to pressure you into sex. How many times did you have sex with him?

M: well we were together for a couple months. We had sex a several times a week for the whole time. It was ok. 

R: Oh Meredith. It breaks my heart. I mean you are such a wholesome young woman. It makes me angry to think of a man like that taking advantage of a young beautiful woman, first time off to college. I know how men think. Was there a lot of alcohol and parties?

M: I’m not as wholesome as I look. Yes there were a lot of parties, but he would never let me drink. It was funny actually. Like he was watching over me. Protective. 

R: Meredith, you can’t look at your past like that and say you are not wholesome. Because you are taken advantage of doesn’t reduce you to something less. 

M: Ryan, I really appreciate you. Your responses are charming. You really care about me, and are worried. I can feel how much you care, and it’s wonderful. I think I need to be more clear, though. 

R: About what? 

M: About the other Ryan and me. He didn’t take advantage of me. If anything it was the other way. 

R: Huh?

M: I keep telling you I’m not that “wholesome”. The other Ryan, he was the 3rd or 4th guy I saw in college in a matter of months. I couldn’t get the guys before him to have sex with me. 

R: Wait, you went after him?

M: Yes. 

R: I’m confused. 

M: I know and you are super sweet and worried about 19 year old me. This is really hard for me to tell you which is why I never have. I keep alluding to it hoping you’ll see. But I don’t think you have any experience to see a woman like me for who I am. 

R: Ok, still confused. Who are you?

M: Well I’m not the wholesome goody goody girl who doesn’t want sex, and is only after love. I know it’s the image I present even when I don’t mean to, but that is not me…

M: OK, here goes. Ryan, I was chasing those men. I had a steady boyfriend all through high school who would NOT have sex with me no matter how much I tried. When I got to college and was no longer with him I was looking for men to have sex with. It’s really important to me. I crave sex a lot. When I met the other Ryan he was the 4th guy since I started college. Most only lasted days or weeks. 

I was a good girl at first getting to know them, but quickly I would come on to them. I wanted to have sex with them. But they wouldn’t. I don’t know why. It made me feel even worse. Undesirable. 

Then I met Ryan. After our second date we were making out in his room and I begged him to fuck me. At first he didn’t want to either. He was worried about me being too risk-seeking. He also wouldn’t let me drink. But finally he succumbed and grabbed a condom from a drawer. It wasn’t great sex, but it was so satisfying to finally have sex. 

R: Wow, I must say I didn’t see this coming. Still wrapping my head around this. 

M: I know. I should have told you more earlier. Honestly I can’t believe I’m telling you this much detail now. But I want you to know. Ryan and I had a lot of sex for several months. Then I started to feel like the relationship wasn’t going anywhere and ended it. I knew he wasn’t part of my future, and I didn’t want to end up pregnant. He wasn’t upset at all that I left. 

R: Well that is a strange ending. Meredith I have to say this is not how I pictured things. I fully had you pegged as a young lady being taken advantage of. 

M: I know. It’s really sweet. 

R: But you were actually trying to take advantage of those innocent young men ;). 

M: Actually… yes. I seem to only attract innocent guys, since 5 of them wouldn’t even have sex with a woman who was clearly asking for it! That’s not supposed to happen to women right?

R: Ha! Good point. This is changing how I think of you though. Not in a bad way. Actually I think I understand you even more. 

M: yeah?

R: yeah. You’re even more like me than I thought. Honestly I didn’t know women thought this way. But you really need sex. It dominates your thoughts, and you’ll focus your energy in getting what you need. You still have your external persona similar to myself, but underneath you have very strong desires few get to see. 

M: it’s true. I do really need sex. Like a lot, but during the day that is me too. I can be both. I need both. 

R: I can see that. And I wouldn’t say you are aggressive about sex, but you’re more direct than most women I know. Or think I know. Heck maybe all women except my wife feel this way. 

M: more than most women I know too. You know Ryan, I’ve been like this for a really long time. It’s always felt strange that other women don’t seem to feel this way. Or maybe they just hide it. But I crave sex. Daily. 

R: Jesus. That’s really hot. You’re kind of short circuiting my brain right now. 

M: ha ha! Glad I can entertain you. 

R: Knowing this about you now, can I ask you some questions? 

M: Shoot. I love your questions. 

R: Do you masterbate?

M: Yes. All the time. I love to read literotica stories and get myself off. Most of the time it’s just to prep myself for having sex with my husband. 

R: Wow. That’s really hot. What’s your favorite position?

M: Well, I like several, but when a man is holding me down forcefully is the best. I like to not be in control. 

R: Huh, that’s really hot. I love being in control. Pinning a woman down. 

M: Really?

R: Oh yes. I really enjoy having control of her body. 

M: Fuck! We need to be really careful, Ryan. 

R: I have another question. Do you have many fantasies?

M: Um, yes. Lots of fantasies. 

R: seriously? Because I probably have 10 new fantasies a day, and my wife has zero. 

M: I am more like you. I have new fantasies all the time. And I like to read literotica for more ideas. 

R: What kind of fantasies to you enjoy?

M: Well as I already mentioned ones where I am not in control mostly. I want a man to take me. 

R: As in bondage? Do you enjoy being tied up?

M: Yes and yes. And much more. 

R: Shit. You are right. We need to be really careful. 

M: I know! Like we need to be careful not to be alone together. 


That one conversation changed everything I thought about Meredith. It was the pivotal moment when our relationship started heading down a sexual path that neither of us were capable of stopping. Like a mining cart with no brakes. 


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